Having a Prince Albert means never losing your car keys
He who obeys…sometimes
The heck with top and bottom–I want relationships with strangeness and charm
Hedonist for Hire–No job too easy
The hell with criticism–praise is good enough for me
The hell with the prime directive–let's kill something
Hellion in scrubs (with comfortable shoes)
Hello, Agent Mulder. I hear you're looking for aliens. You may call me the Doctor.
Hello. I'm earth. Have we met?
Hello. I'm from the government and I'm here to tell you that the check is in the mail.
Hello–I'm in a superposition of states right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as my state collapses
Hello. My $NAME is ~inigo-montoya. You killed my process. Prepare to vi. –The Unix's Bride
Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare to die.
Help Desk: We don't read the manual for you
Help Desk: We read the manual for you
Heralds don't pun–they cant
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HAL 9000: "Dave, put those Windows disks down…Dave…DAVE!"
Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five years–I'd just like to know which half
Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's horse when it is leaping
Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don't care.
Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit
Happiness is seeing your DM's face on a milk carton
Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear view mirror
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Kill Kill
Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances?
Hardware: the part of the computer that can be kicked. If you can only curse at it, it's software.
Harmless ninja throwing button
Hatred is not a family value
Have an adequate day
Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy
Have an illuminated day! [picture of smiley pyramid]
Have food–will work for money
Have no fear–I never attack lesser beings
Have Tardis, will travel
Have you changed your tofu water today?
Have you ever had your phone tapped by the government? YOU WILL and the company that brings it to you is…AT&T
Have you hugged your dragon today?
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Government is the great fiction whereby everyone endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always count on the support of Paul
Grad School–it's not a job, it's an indenture
Graduate of the Cat School of Excuses "I meant to do that"
Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving
Graduate of the Sadie Hawkins School of Guerilla Flirting
Gravity isn't MY fault–I voted for velcro!
The great tragedy of science is the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly fact
Gross anatomy–it isn't just for breakfast anymore
Growing old is mandatory–growing up is optional
grumble grumble growl hiss bitch whine piss moan
Guard the Mysteries–constantly reveal them
Gun control is a great idea–for governments FIRST
Guns don't kill people–I do
Hacker != Cracker
Hacking is a conversational black hole
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge
Hackito ergo sum
Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would have been informed
Hail Eris! All hail Discordia! [picture of apple]
Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra!
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the equipment, training, and staff to make a difference
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the weaponry to make the difference
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
God, in His bounty and generosity, always creates more horse's asses than there are horses to attach them to
God is dead–you are all absolutely free
God is love–but get it in writing
God is real unless declared integer
God made a few people perfect–the rest He created right-handed
God saw absolute truth lying in the street and picked it up. The Devil said, "Give it to me and I'll organize it for you."
The Goddess does not seek worship–she rejoices in being vividly imagined
Goddesses R Us–how may you serve us?
Gods R Us–how may you serve us?
Gone crazy, be back later, leave message at the beep
Good leaders are scarce, so I am following myself
`Good Morning' is a contradiction in terms
The good news is: I'm a perfectionist. The bad news is: I charge by the hour.
A good slogan can stop thought for fifty years. A great slogan can stop it forever.
Gosh, that takes me back…or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you never can tell.
Got blood?
Got books?
Government is non-consensual S&M with the second amendment as the only safeword
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General System Error: Please sacrifice a goat and two chickens to continue
The generation of random numbers is much too important to be left to chance
Genetically perfect but morally crippled
Gerbil-jamming is safe–if you don't share gerbils
Get thee down. Be thou funky.
Give generously so that EPOXY can be cured
Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt
Give me levity or give me death
Give me that REAL old-time religion–Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Danu, Inanna
Giving up Catholicism for Lent
Global Village Idiot
!GO HOM-9
Go Lemmings Go!
Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes
Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no, and yes, and no, and yes….
Go on and try it. The worst you can do is make a fool of yourself in front of all your friends.
God could create the universe in six days because he didn't have to make it upward compatible
God created a 24-hour light and dark cycle. The angels asked, "What will You do next?" "Call it a day."
God created music so people could pray without words
God didn't create the world in seven days–He goofed off for six, then pulled an all-nighter
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Freedom is just chaos with better lighting
Freedom of speech is wonderful–right up there with the freedom not to listen
A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a mythstake
Friendly fire isn't. Recoilless rifles aren't. Suppressive fire won't.
Friends don't let friends run worldcons
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
Frogs are smart–they eat what bugs them
From the people who made 'out of context' a household word…
Fuck'em if they can't take a joke
Fucking Great Crashing Waves of Stress!
Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Fun, Legal, Profitable–pick two
The future exists first in the imagination, then in the will, then in reality
The game master is not God. God is one of my little NPC's.
Game Operations Director
Garibaldi–get this police box out of my office, NOW!
GE Genetic Engineering We bring good things to life
Geek used to be four letters–now it's six figures
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
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'The fog comes in on little cat feet' is a flat lie unless fog is a great deal noisier than I ever expected
The following statement is true. The preceding statement is false.
Fool! I am the guard!
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, press 3
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision
For something to become clean, something else must become dirty, but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean
For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team of trained solipsists
Forecasting is difficult, especially about the future
Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries
Forewarned is half an octopus
Forget strangeness and charm; give me a relationship that's 3 parts passion and 2 parts teeth
Former Fetus for Choice
Forms follow function, and often obliterate it
Fortunately, the computer virus did no harm to our records. It was immediately devoured by the bugs in our own programming
Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed
43% of all statistics are worthless
42–The answer to life, the universe, and everything
Four balls and you walk: if you're tried and acquitted four times, you can never be arrested again
The four gaits: Walk, trot, canter, and what was that noise?
Fractals–what you see is what you wait for
Free Oral Castrations
Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars!
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51% sweetheart, 49% bitch–don't push it
42? 7.5 million years, and all you got was….oh, you were running Windows
Fighting is cheating. If you get caught, you weren't cheating hard enough.
File not found. I'll load something *I* think is interesting.
Fimbriation is a borderline case
Fine. You're undead. I have a life.
The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny
First generation Trekker 6609.08
The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%
First-rate people hire first-rate people. Second-rate people hire third-rate people.
First rule of GMing: If they split up, giggle insanely
First they came for the cigarettes and I didn't speak up because I don't smoke. Then, they came for the alcohol, and I didn't speak up because I don't drink. When they came for the chocolate I reached for my gun and …oops!
First they came for the drug dealers and the inside traders, and I didn't speak out. Then they came for the smokers and the fat people, and I still didn't speak out. When they came for me, there was no one left to speak.
First they came for the fourth amendment, but I said nothing because I wasn't a drug dealer. Then they came for the sixth amendment, but I kept quiet because I wasn't guilty. Finally they came for the first amendment, and by then it was too late to say anything at all.
555—The number of the wannabeast
Flaming Heterosexual
Flat Mars Society
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Fabricati Diem, PVNC
Failure is not an option
Faith Manages
Fandom–drugs would be cheaper
Fandom is the world's most sophisticated and advanced system for just hanging around
Fandom isn't a matter of life and death–it's much more important than that
Fandom–not your ordinary elite
Fans ARE slans. They're just not very good at it.
Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap operas
Fantasy isn't our crutch–it's arcane
The faults in bad software can be so subtle as to be practically theological
Fear no art
The fear of death is the beginning of slavery
Federal Expresso: When you absolutely, positively have to stay up all night
Federation Express: When it absolutely positively has to be there by Tuesday
Feeling smug about someone else's opinions is the very lifeblood of the net
Feline Sapiens
The few, the proud, the incurably insane–The Concom
Few things are as ego-boosting as being kicked out of an anarchy convention for unruly behavior
Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low blood sugar
FF buckets of bits on the bus, FF buckets of bits, Take one down and short it to ground, FE buckets of bits
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Every Spam is sacred
Every tenth Jesus is queer
Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it
Everybody talks about reality, but nobody does anything about it
Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes a day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege
Everyone is looking at you staring at my tits
Everyone was born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it.
Everyone shares my opinion. Some people realize it sooner than others.
Everything I say can stand on its own two faces
Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat
Everything is going to be alright–for varying values of alright
Everything is illusionary, but television is especially illusionary
Everything will perish except love and music
Evil Mentalist I think, therefore you aren't
Evolution in action [picture of Christian fish with legs]
Evolution–life's a niche, and then you die
Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options open
Evolved-Again Secular Humanist
An excess of syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-colon
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable
Experience is the worst teacher. It gives you the test first and the instructions afterwards.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined
The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the data must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory
Fabric: The Gathering
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