Never let your schooling interfere with your education
Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be complex and wonderful
Never offend with style when you can offend with substance
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow
Never send a monster to do the work of a mad scientist. Now be a good little bunny and let me have your brain.
Never share your foxhole with someone braver than you are
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
Never tell me the odds–numbers confuse me
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle
Never trust a smiling game master
Never try to out-stubborn a cat
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Never use a tool that's more intelligent than you are
Never volunteer–they'll send you to earth
Never wear a hat that has more character than you do
The New Age is just like the old age–only newer
New Year's Eve, 2000–the odometer turns over. New Year's Eve, 2001–the beginning of the millennium. Join the two party system!
The next time you go seeking revelation, can you find a way that is somewhat less uncomfortable?
Nice computers don't go down
Nice computers only go down once a day
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Nerd Pride
Nerd Pride: Why DO they think that "walking encyclopedia" is an insult?
The net is like real life, only much, much faster
Network management is like nailing jello to a wall
Neutral Greedy
Never argue with a Scorpio–even if you win, you lose
Never argue with a Scorpio–it's frustrating and you'll lose anyway
Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut
Never ask a hungry cat if it loves you for yourself alone
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity
"Never bite the hand that feeds you" does *not* apply to cats
Never confuse endurance with hospitality
Never criticize a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then if he didn't like what you've said, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at all
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
Never, EVER, throw a fireball in a closed room
Never follow a rule off a cliff
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
Never judge a man by the size of his deck…..Magic the Blathering
Never learn to type. If you do, someone will ask you to do it.
Never let any mechanical device know you're in a hurry
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My other wife is normal
My parents went to Diskworld, and all they got me was this lousy stuffed turtle
My .sig can't come out today. It has a virus.
My ship came in. It was the Kobayashi Maru.
My sole consort went to the Romulan Neutral Zone and all I got was this khest'n button
My species domesticated your species [picture of cat's face]
My stand on gun control is: No one should be allowed to own guns–except me
My strength is as the strength of ten because my code is pure
My superiority complex is better than your superiority complex
My whole life is a movie–it's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it–my life needs editing.
Nasty, Brutish, and Short
National Lampoon Staff Anthropologist at large
National Psychic Society You KNOW where the meetings are
Naturally you're out of book space. Everyone is always out of book space. If you're not out of book space, you're probably not worth knowing.
Nature abhors an atmosphere. Check your suit seals.
Nature knows no politics, but nature always votes
Naugahyde is murder
A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many. [written in Yin/Yang symbol]
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My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win
My house is dog-broken
My ideas are beyond the comprehension of ordinary mortals. The brilliance of my mind is dazzling. Even I am impressed by it.
My inner child can beat up your inner child
My life is based on a true story
My life is coming to bits, and I'm trying to keep it word-aligned
My life is like juggling Faberge' eggs in variable gravity
My life is not organized around high probability events
My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
My life's really not so awful–it just seems that way when I'm awake
My loyalties are divided between health food and high cholesterol swill
My mind is a deadly weapon–but don't worry, it's peace-bonded for the weekend
My mind is made up–don't confuse me with facts
My mind isn't ALWAYS in the gutter–sometimes it comes out to feed
My monitor is so small that every time I open a file, I break a window
My next husband will be normal
My opinion is uncluttered by facts
My other brain is a Cray
My other car is a broom
My other cat is a Jaguar
My other husband is normal
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Mulder & Scully in 2000—Trust no one else
Mulder & Scully slash? Isn't that a little…perverse?
Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're too smart to go on a battlefield
Mumble, mumble, mumble….POOF!
MUMPS! The 3 1/2 generation language! Everything is a string! All data is accessed locally! Use code as data as code as data…
Murphy was an optimist!
Murphy's Law is recursive–washing your car to make it rain doesn't work either
Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it
A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes–now it's Miller time
Mutate now–avoid the rush
My art belongs to Dada
My back is computerized–it has a floppy disk
My body, my choice–legalize drugs
My boss said homosexuality is a disease, so I called in queer to work
My brain is the most important thing about me, but look what told me that
My cat's been cashing my reality checks again
My child is a horror student at Miskatonic University
My commitment is to truth, not consistency
MY computer was easy to use ten years ago
My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests in the world and all the people I don't like are forced to build me a castle in France
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Money is its own reward
Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate relationship
More hit points than you can possibly imagine
Moriarty killed a clone–Holmes lives
Morning begins when you get out of bed, and ends once you wake up
Morning people are respected–night people are feared
A morning without coffee is like something without something else
Mornings are a delusion of the planetbound
Mornings have no mercy [picture of sun coming in the window with a gun]
Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility
The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map
The most important question about governments is how they can be kept from going berserk and killing off half the population?
Most people with cats know they're being controlled…that's the horror of it
The most rabid literary purist
Mostly Harmless
Mr. Data, precisely what did you mean when you said, "Oh, boy"?
Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative
Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock
MS-DOS didn't get as bad as it is overnight–it took ten years of careful development
MS-DOS–Just say no
The MS-DOS way: If it's broke, fix it. The Unix way: If it ain't broke, don't touch it. Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
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The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation
Microsoft will make something that doesn't suck the day it starts manufacturing vacuum cleaners
Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Mother
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
Militant Agnostic–I don't know and you don't either!
Militant Idealist–things will get better, or else
The millennium begins on January 1, 2000. Please be patient.
A mind is a terrible thing–it must be stopped before it kills again
A mind is a terrible thing to taste
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled
The mind is the final battlefield. The stuff in between is just noise.
Misspent youth in progress
Misanthropology: the study of why people are so stupid and why most of them should die, SOON!
Mobile Non-Smoking Area
Mobile Smoking area
A modern US navy cruiser requires 26 tons of manuals. This is enough to affect the vessel's performance.
*Modified Rapture*
The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me
Money and popularity are how people without talent keep score
Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves
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May those who love us, love us. And those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He doesn't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
Maybe I don't FEEL like smiling
Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll feel better
Maybe the meek will inherit the earth, but if they do, they'll be inheriting it from me
McBorg's–over 60 billion assimilated
Me not responsible. Me just pawn in game of life
Meandering to a different drummer
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup
The meek are getting ready
The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who get promoted
The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars
Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
MENSCH Man Entitled to Nights of Sensuously Complete Happiness
Mentioning the bogus science in Star Trek will derail any conversation–entirely too many fish in that barrel
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
Mercy is a great virtue, but that doesn't mean you should pay full price for a late pizza
Metal is for wearing. Flesh is for changing. You wouldn't understand, it's a cyborg thing.
Metaphysics 5 cents–the philosopher IS
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Make beer, not war
Make it so
Make love, not war–but be prepared for both
Make my day–try to pick up someone else
Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler
Managing programmers is like herding cats
Manual? We've just been pushing buttons until it works
Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view
The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the territory and put it in your glove compartment
Mapping? No, I'm not mapping. I thought you were mapping.
Marching to a different kettle of fish
Martyrdom is the oldest way of achieving fame without ability
Marvelous! You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to the situation!
Marx is a dead white male
The mass of mankind was not born with saddles on their backs, nor a favored few booted and spurred, ready to ride them legitimately, by the grace of God
Master of Pun Fu
Math for life, not for tests
Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into theorems
Matter can be neither created nor destroyed nor returned without proper receipt
May the best man's pronoun win, even if he's a radical lesbian separatist
May the Force be with you
May the great galactic kitten always purr you to sleep
May the toes I step on today be in no way connected to the asses I must kiss tomorrow
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Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end
Look out for #1. Don't step in #2, either.
Looking for backrub victim
Lord, please let me be the kind of person my dog thinks I am
Lost my head over Highlander
Lotteries–you have to play to lose
Love–it's not just a good idea–it's the Law
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver"
Love to eat them disk files, Disk files what I love to eat. Byte they little headers off, Nybble on they tiny feet.
Love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so much fun
Lt. Commander Data–your plastic pal who's fun to be with
The lunatic fringe begins here
MacIntosh Machine Always Crashes, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
MacLeod in 2000 There can be only one
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
MAGIC the Addiction
Magic Users have crystal balls
Magic Widow [forbid symbol over card]
Main CPU down, batch processing only. One person at a time, please.
Maintaining humility can be a monumental task for some people–for me it's simply too much to ask
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