If it's worth doing, it&#

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  • If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly
  • If it's worth saying, it's worth saying on a button
  • If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name?
  • If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath all the air would be on the other side of the room
  • If my income is fixed, how come I'm always broke?
  • If not now, when?  If not yes, why not?
  • If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes from peanuts, where does baby oil come from?
  • If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose
  • If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to do anything
  • If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never hurt you, nine times out of ten
  • If people were required to know the law rather than to obey it, the government would be overthrown the next day
  • If pi were three, this sentence would look like this [the o's are hexagons]
  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themself, is it a hostage situation?
  • If space is warped, time is all that's weft
  • If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we would have issued you one
  • If stupidity is outlawed, only outlaws will be stupid
  • If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now
  • If the economy can only get better or worse, why aren't economists right half the time?
  • If the government doesn't trust me with my guns, why should I trust it with my money?
  • If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them and elect a new people?
  • If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why should we trust them with theirs?
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