If you can't trust a woman

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  • If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby?
  • If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt?
  • If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten
  • If you don't believe in angels, you haven't heard me sing.  If you don't believe in demons, you haven't heard me snore.
  • If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't go to yours
  • If you don't grow up by age 35, you don't have to
  • If you don't know history, you're condemned to repeat it….If you do know history, you're doomed to make other dumb mistakes
  • If you don't like lawyers, the next time you're arrested hire a comedian
  • If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile
  • If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street… the sidewalk… the lawn…
  • If you don't make the rules, you don't have to keep them.  If you do make the rules, you won't anyway.
  • If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.
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