Mirror | rorriM

FROM: GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE
DUNLAND

Dear sir and/or madame,

Salutations, I am GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE, The son of late Counsellor
Grima Wormtongue of the Kingdom of Rohan.

My father was Chief Counsellor [equivalent to Prime Minister] to
late lamented king Theoden of Rohan. In his position my father
altogether legally and correctly acquired significant assets
throughout Rohan in order to protect the Kingdom from enemy
forces within and without.

In the course of lamentable events succeeding, my father was
illegally deprived of office and expelled from the Kingdom.
Before this he had with foresight already entirely legally
deposited the sum of M.500,000,000,000 in gold with the Bank of
Gondor (Minas Tirith).

While in exile in the north he was assaulted and murdered by a
band of northern pigmies. His family was obliged to seek refuge
in northern Dunland among some of our sympathisers.

My father left to me all documents necessary to retrieve the sum
of gold aforesaid from the Bank of Gondor (Minas Tirith).
However, in the current political circumstances my solicitor
believes it unwise for me to attempt to make the trip from
Dunland to Minas Tirith, and has recommended that I seek a
trustworthy foreign business partner into whose account this
money could be tranferred. This appears to
be the best option as we are unable to open an account in
Dunland.

Therefore we are seeking your trustworthy assistance and
cooperation.

You will provide information about your account that will enable
a deposit to be made in your name. I will contact the Bank of
Gondor (Minas Tirith) and inform them that the money is to be
placed into your account. Upon completion of the transaction
your share of the proceeds will be 15% net following deduction of
all transfer fees, that is M. 75,000,000,000. If the transaction
goes well we also look forward to maintaining you as a profitable
business partner for future ventures.

It goes without saying that I can expect your complete confidence
and secrecy in keeping this matter under wraps prefatory to
completion.

Please reach me at my email address: mbrandybuck@buckland.net

Thank you and ERU bless.

MR. GRIMHELM WORMTONGUE.

Jesus comes back to Earth and realises he needs cash. Goes to Job Centre to apply for a job.
“What experience do you have?”
“I was pretty good at sermons and stuff.”
“Ever considered after dinner speaking?”
“Erm, no. What sort of money are we talking about?”
“I’ve got two vacancies – one in Jerusalem which pays £5000, and one in Milton Keynes for £2.50.”
“I’ll take the Milton Keynes one.”
“Why?”
“Because last time I worked Jerusalem, I got nailed with tax.”

Elderly couple driving through a forest one night, when a vampire drops from a tree onto the windscreen and starts pounding on the glass. The woman screams and turns to the man, says “Quick, Henry, show him your cross!”. Man winds his windows down, sticks his head out and yells, “Get off my fucking car!”

A couple were driving along when the man asks his wife to look out the window to see if the blinker is working. So she sticks her head out the car window and says, “Yes, no, yes, no, yes.” Standards: yes, no, yes, no, no, no………

During WWII, three American Generals were captured by the Germans. The Germans decided to see if they should kill them or let them live. A test was devised. The first General was asked. “Tick”? The reply was “Tock!” The second General was asked “Tick?” The reply was “Tock!” The third was asked “Tick?” The reply was “Tick!” And the Germans said: “Ve have vays to make you Tock.”

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day, because that means it’s going to be up all night.

In the window of a waterbed shop: “Your vinyl resting place”