Asked how his pet parrot died, the mathmatican answered
“Polynomial. polygon.”
—
Lumberjacks make good musicians because of their natural
logarithms.
—
Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.
—
“The integral of e to the x is equal to f of the quantity
u to the n.”
/ x n
| e = f(u )
/
—
A physics joke:
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer
scientist are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the
savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with
their binoculars.
The biologist :
The statistician :
The mathematician :
The computer scientist :
Q: What quantity is represented by this ?
/\ /\ /\
/ \ / \ / \
/ \ / \ / \
/ \ / \ / \
/ \ / \ / \
/______\ /______\ /______\
|| || ||
|| || ||
A: 9, tree + tree + tree
Q: A dust storm blows through, now how much do you have?
A: 99, dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree
Q: Some birds go flying by and leave their droppings,
one per tree, how many is that ?
A: 100, dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd
+ dirty tree and a turd
.. .. ____ .. ..
\\===/======\\==
|| | | ||
|| |____| ||
|| ( ) ||
|| \____/ ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| ||
|| (\ ||
|| ) ) ||
|| //||\\ ||
A: Hypotenuse
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes
obtuse, but always, he was right.
Ya’ hear about the geometer who went to the beach to
catch the rays and became a tangent ?
Several students were asked the following problem:
Well, the first student to try to do this was a math student. Hey
says “hmmm… Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by
induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime.”
Of course, there are some jeers from some of his friends. The
physics student then said, “I’m not sure of the validity of your proof,
but I think I’ll try to prove it by experiment.” He continues, “Well, 1
is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is … uh, 9 is an
experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime… Well, it seems that
you’re right.”
The third student to try it was the engineering student, who
responded, “Well, actually, I’m not sure of your answer either. Let’s
see… 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is …, 9 is
…, well if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime…
Well, it does seem right.”
Not to be outdone, the computer science student comes along
and says “Well, you two sort’ve got the right idea, but you’d end up
taking too long doing it. I’ve just whipped up a program to REALLY go
and prove it…” He goes over to his terminal and runs his program.
Reading the output on the screen he says, “1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1
is prime, 1 is prime….”
Lemma: All horses are the same color.
Proof (by induction):
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these
horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of
these horses are the same color. Now put back the horse that you took
out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses
now in the set are the same color. Then the set of k+1 horses are all
the same color. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all horses are
the same color.
Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
Proof (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It
is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in
back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a
horse to have! Now the only number that is both even and odd is infinity;
therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs.
However, suppose that there is a horse somewhere that does not have an
infinite number of legs. Well, that would be a horse of a different
color; and by the Lemma, it doesn’t exist.
QED
What is “pi”?
Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the relationship between the
circumference of a circle and its diameter.
Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927 plus or minus 0.000000005
Engineer: Pi is about 3.
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, “Go and multiply.” Several months pass. Noah decides to check
up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes.
“What’s the problem?” says Noah. “Cut down some trees and let us
live there”, say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more
weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes,
everybody is happy. Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees
helped?” “Certainly”, say the snakes. “We’re adders, and we need
logs to multiply.”
