Alan

Peter: Good evening.

Alan: I am going to ask you a few questions about the train robbery, if I may.

Peter: Good, the very thing we are investigating. I’d like to make one thing quite clear at the outset — when you speak of a train robbery, this in fact involved no loss of train. It’s merely what I like to call the contents of the train which were pilfered — we haven’t lost a train since 1946, I think it was, the year of the great snows, we mislaid a small one. They’re very hard to lose, you see, being so bulky — a train is an enormous thing compared for example to a small jewel, a tiny pearl for example might fall off a lady’s neck and disappear into the grass, or the gravel, or wherever she was standing — in the sea, even, and disappear underwater — whereas an enormous train, with its huge size, is a totally different kettle of fish …

Alan: I think you’ve made that point rather WELL, Sir Arthur … who do you think may have perpetrated this awful crime?

Peter: We believe this to be the work of thieves, and I’ll tell you why. The whole pattern is extremely reminiscent of past robberies where we have found thieves to be involved — the tell-tale loss of property, that’s one of the signs we look for, the snatching away of the money substances — it all points to thieves.

Alan: So you feel thieves are responsible.

Peter: Good heavens, no! I feel that thieves are totally irresponsible. They’re a ghastly group of people, snatching your money away from you …

Alan: I appreciate that, Sir Arthur, but …

Peter: YOU may appreciate it, but most people don’t. I’m sorry I can’t agree with you. If you appreciate having money snatched you must be rather an odd fish …