And now, The News.
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Conservatives Announce Reductions to Pensioners
The Conservative Party today announced its election pledges to help pensioners cope with rising council tax rates.
In houses with more than one occupant over 50 the poorest half will be rendered down into animal feed, the remaining 50% and those from sole occupant properties will be re-distributed to fill the vacated spaces.
This will similtaneously help the property market by freeing up residences for young blonde child bearing couples just starting out on the property ladder, and also help the ailing British livestock farming industry by providing a safer source of bone meal than feeding the cows to each other.
The process will be repeated every year, by the year 2010 they estimate that 100% of pension age citizens will be millionares, vastly improving their standard of living and leaving them entirely self-supporting, thus making it possibe to do away with the pension system entirely. Their figures also show that the added currency entering into circulation as a result of this will return Britain fully once again to its former glory and global pre-eminence.
A spokesman for the party also went on record as saying “It’ll show those johnny foreigners a thing or two as well! hawhawhaw!”
