Mirror | rorriM

A mathematician has spent years trying to prove the Riemann hypothesis – without success. Finally, he decides to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a proof. The devil promises to deliver a proof within four weeks.
Four weeks pass, but nothing happens. Half a year later, the devil shows up again – in a rather gloomy mood.
“I’m sorry”, he says. “I couldn’t prove the Riemann hypothesis either. But” – and his face lightens up – “I think I found a really interesting lemma…”

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: “A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment.”
The mathematician: “A wife. You have security.”
The computer scientist: “Both. When I’m not with my wife, she thinks I’m with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it’s vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me…”

A physicist, a statistician, and a (pure) mathematician go to the races and place bets on horses.
The physicist’s horse comes in last. “I don’t understand it. I have determined each horse’s strength through a series of careful measurements.”
The statistician’s horse does a little bit better, but still fails miserably. “How is this possible? I have statistically evaluated the results of all races for the past month.”
They both look at the mathematician whose horse came in first. “How did you do it?”
“Well”, he explains. “First, I assumed that all horses were identical and spherical…”

Psychologists subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician – a topologist, by the way – to an experiment: Each of them is locked in a room for a day – hungry, with a can of food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper.
At the end of the day, the psychologists open the engineer’s room first. Pencil and paper are unused, but the walls of the room are covered with dents. The engineer is sitting on the floor and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open.
The physicist is next. The paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating, too: He calculated how exactly to throw the can against the wall, so that it would crack open.
When the psychologists open the mathematician’s room, the paper is also full of formulas, the can is still closed, and the mathematician has disappeared. But there are strange noises coming from inside the can…
Someone gets an opener and opens the can. The mathematician crawls out. “Damn! I got a sign wrong…”

A math student and a computer science student are jogging together in a park when they hear a voice: “Please, help me!”
They stop and look. The voice belongs to a frog sitting in the grass.
“Please, help me!” the frog repeats. “I’m not really a frog: I’m an enchanted, beautiful princess. Kiss me, and the spell will be broken – and I will be yours forever…”
The CS student picks up the frog and examines it carefully from all sides – making not even an attempt to kiss it.
“You don’t have to marry me”, the frog continues frantically, “if you’re afraid of the commitment. I’ll do whatever you wish me to do if you just kiss me…”
The frog’s voice is silenced, when the CS student puts the animal into the right pocket of his pants.
“But why don’t you kiss her?!” the math student asks.
“You know”, the CS student replies, “I simply don’t have time for a girlfriend – but a frog that talks makes a really cool pet…”

Q: What is normed, complete, and yellow?
A: A Bananach space…

A French mathematician’s pick up line: “Voulez vous Cauchy avec moi?”

Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Q: Do you already know the latest stats joke?
A: Probably…

A pure and an applied mathematician are asked to calculate 2 * 2.
The applied mathematician’s solution: We have
2 * 2 = 2 *1/(1-1/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-1/2) = 1 + 1/2 +1/4 + 1/8 + ….
Cutting off the series after the second term yields the approximate solution
2 * 2 = 2 *(1 +1/2) = 3.
The pure mathematician’s solution: We have
2 * 2 = (-2) *1/(1-3/2).
The second factor on the right hand side has a geometric series expansion
1/(1-3/2) = 1 + 3/2 +9/4 + 27/8 + …,
which diverges. Hence, the solution to 2 * 2 does not exist.