Solipsism’s Painless – mp3
(Sung to “Suicide is Painless” (the M*A*S*H theme))
Through the upturned glass I see
a modified reality–
which proves pure reason “kant” critique
that beer reveals das ding an sich–
Oh solipsism’s painless,
it helps to calm the brain since
we must defer our drinking to go teach.
Oh virtue was the fleeting thing
Socrates was ever-seeking–
but interspersed with questioning
was his Symposium drinking–
‘Cause solipsism’s painless,
stick the brain in the vat since
we must defer our drinking to go teach.
The history of philosophy
is full of sots and lechery–
at APAs I think you’ll see
a conduct that’s exemplary!
For solipsism’s painless,
flush Putnam down the drain since
we must defer our drinking to go teach–
It’s beer and not conclusions
we must reach. . . .
I Can Think Clearly Now – mp3
(Sung to “I Can See Clearly Now”)
I can think clearly now, all doubt is gone–
I can see truth as plainly as hands display–
posteriori or the prior kind–
I’ve got a right, right, right, episteme!
“Knows that P” sheerly now cannot be wrong–
all the bad Gettiers have disappeared–
turns out that Plato was right all along–
he had a right, right, right, episteme!
Postmodern minds are all the rage–
but they can’t be consistent in meta-stage!
Taking the cogito as my first clue–
only Beelzebub stood in the way–
took him right out with a quick ontic proof–
now I got a right, right, right, episteme!
Make a Talk on the Ryle Side – mp3
(Sung to Lou Reed’s “Take a Walk on the Wild Side”)
In the Windy City for a day,
takin’ in the Central APA,
a paper here and a paper there–
Cartesian stuff nearly everywhere–
I cried “Hey Dan, make a talk on the Ryle side”–
I said “Hey Pat, make a talk on the Ryle side”–
Kim can speak of causes that belie.
(Davidson’s are lawless by the by.)
Type or token the mind is there,
yet Nagel’s right ’cause it seems nowhere–
So “Hey Dan, make a talk on the Ryle side”–
And “Hey Pat, make a talk on th Ryle side”–
And the Canton Searles go “Do, de-do, do, de-do-de-do, do. . .”
When it hurts it seems that I can ache,
Starring in a role with no mistake.
But Dennett said that I’m written out
with just a lip (and no me) to pout–
So “Please Dan, make a talk on the Ryle side”–
And “Oh Pat, make a talk on the Ryle side”–
And the Canton Searles go “Do, de-do, do, de-do-de-do, do. . .””
