[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkDNQm-63HY[/youtube]
- I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink.
What is it that you're so afraid of, anyway?
It's no secret to anybody that the news is just a constant battering ram of fearmongering. If you want to be terrified, there's neverending coverage that can make you scared shitless == JUVENILE HEARTATTACKS, COULD IT BE YOUR CHILD!?
— IS SOMEONE MASTURBATING IN YOUR SANDWICH IN THE LOCAL DINER?! YOU MIGHT NOT THINK SO, BUT THIS HORROR MOVIE GRAPHIC WILL MAKE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND. CAN YOU GET PIG FLU FROM PORK CHOPS? NO!
THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!! YOU MUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!
WHERE'S YOUR TEEN RIGHT NOW? PROBABLY GETTING THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF THEM!
People tend to blame the News as though it's their fault for spreading all this fear, as though there's no market for it, you can't blame the News for making you afraid anymore than you would blame horror movies or haunted houses, that's what people are buying into, and the reason that people are buying fear so easily and stockpiling it, is that you'd much rather believe all that bullshit: y'know: immigrants are trying to take your job, paedophiles are trying to fuck your kids, and, terrorists are coming to blow up your Ford Focus in particular. That's far more palatable for people to buy, than to accept the reality, which is that probably; at statistical high, Vegas odds probability, that nothing of any significance will ever happen to you, in your entire boring life.