Be Like Eeyore
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There are many people in the world who pretend to be much happier than they are. These people are intelligent people whose low self-esteem causes them to try to blend in with the less-intelligent crowd. Eeyore can see these pretenders for what they are; after all, it’s hardly possible for anybody to be as happy as all that without having brains consisting of fluff (yes, he has someone specific in mind). In an attempt to save these poor misguided souls (who are not fooling anyone), Eeyore has made up a List of Things for Intelligent People to do in Order to Free Themselves from Societal Dumbification.
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1. Don’t Whistle. God smites whistlers – okay, maybe not, but he should. Humming and singing are much more tolerable, if you must do something.
2. Wear Dark Colors. You look much more dignified that way. Your red dress is okay, but your pastel floral shorts are embarassing. Black isn’t really the absence of color, as others would have you believe — that’s only true in terms of light. As far as your clothing is concerned, black is all colors.
3. Stop Drawing Attention to Yourself. Everybody who counts has probably noticed that you exist, and will continue to do so even if you don’t act like a walking parade float. Remember: the first time is cute, but the second time is annoying.
4. Your Dog Does Not Want to Wear the Pink Boots. So stop making him.
5. Is your name “Cookie”? “Candi”? Something similar? Did your parents really name you that? Most
likely, they gave you a less-perky name from which the monstrous nickname sprung. “Candace” is a beautiful name. Use it.
6. Are you always telling other people to “cheer up”? Annoyingly happy people are always finding fault with those who do not share their false cheer. Instead of antagonizing the less-perky people around you, try antagonizing the annoyingly cheerful. It’s not just the right thing to do, it’s also fun.
Remember, dignity is a good thing. No matter what the cheerful people think, they are not dignified. Stand tall and be proud of yourself as a non-perky person. You’re making the world a more tolerable place.
Found on Zarahminor’s page