NetScrap(TM): Excuses to miss a day of work.

Ξ February 28th, 2006 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Humour |

    Excuses to miss a day of work.

    A Washington Post contest was held in which readers were asked to
    come up with excuses to miss a day of work.

    1. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The
    voices told me to clean all the guns today.

    2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
    Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

    3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other
    half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind
    of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until
    the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing
    the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in
    the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout
    with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or

    4. My stigmata's acting up.

    5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
    previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

    6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know
    we have that deadline to meet...

    7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

    8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder
    and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to,
    yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint,
    but thank you for calling.

    9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

    10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
    shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now
    contain false information.

    11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave
    me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

    12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

    13. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
    track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and
    give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

    14. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

    15. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

    16. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that
    my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to
    arrange for helicopter transportation.

    17. I prefer to remain an enigma.


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